We’ve all heard the phrase “sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me.” Catchy, right? But if we’re honest, it’s one of the biggest lies we were told as kids. Words don’t just hurt—they build worlds, shape perceptions, and can either uplift or tear down entire communities. And when it comes to the LGBTQ+ community, the words we choose matter more than ever.
The Power Behind Everyday Language
Language is never neutral. Every word we speak carries history, connotations, and cultural baggage. Think about how we describe people: “bossy” versus “assertive,” “cheap” versus “thrifty.” Same behaviors, different judgments. Now imagine how much heavier that weight becomes when those words are used against marginalized groups.
For the trans community, language can mean the difference between affirmation and erasure. For example, calling a trans woman “a Shemale” isn’t just a slip of the tongue—it’s a loaded term born from pornography that reduces her existence to an object of fetish rather than a human being. The harm doesn’t stop at language; it bleeds into how society treats trans women every day.
A History Written in Slurs
Where did words like “shemale” even come from? The term is rooted in the adult industry, where it was used to sell a fetishized image of trans women. It stripped away personhood and replaced it with objectification. Over time, the word seeped into mainstream culture, often thrown around as a “joke” or insult. But here’s the thing—what starts as a word can create ripples that become waves.
Slurs like this reinforce harmful stereotypes: that trans women aren’t “real” women, that their identities are up for debate, or that they’re meant to be sexualized rather than respected. In other words, the language doesn’t stay in the dictionary. It shows up in classrooms, workplaces, and even homes.
The Real-World Consequences
Here’s where people often say, “It’s just words.” But no, it’s never just words. A slur can set off a domino effect:
- A teenager gets bullied at school and drops out because classmates won’t stop mocking them with words they don’t even understand.
- A hiring manager hesitates to employ a qualified trans candidate because they subconsciously internalized stereotypes tied to those slurs.
- Violence escalates because society views trans lives as less worthy.
Research backs this up. According to The Trevor Project, LGBTQ+ youth who are misgendered or called slurs are significantly more likely to experience depression and attempt suicide. The harm is measurable.
And it’s not just trans women. Even within the LGBTQ+ umbrella, language matters across the spectrum. Take “a butch person,” for example. The word “butch” was once used as an insult toward masculine-presenting lesbians, but over time, some have reclaimed it with pride. It’s proof that while some words can be re-empowered, others—like “shemale”—remain rooted in harm.
Respectful Alternatives
So how do we fix this? Simple: start by using the words people use for themselves. If someone identifies as a trans woman, then say “trans woman.” If they just want to be called a woman, then say “woman.” It really is that easy.
To make it practical, here’s a quick guide:
- Don’t say: shemale, tranny, he-she
- Do say: trans woman, transgender woman, or simply woman
And if you’re unsure? Ask. Respectful curiosity is always better than harmful assumptions.
Language as Everyday Allyship
Allyship isn’t about waving rainbow flags only in June. It’s about the small, consistent choices we make daily—and language is one of the most powerful tools we have. Correcting yourself when you slip up, calling out harmful words when you hear them, and consciously choosing affirming language—these things ripple outward.
It doesn’t mean you’ll always get it perfect. Nobody does. But the effort itself tells people, “I see you. I respect you. You matter.” And isn’t that what we all want in the end?
Why This Conversation Matters Now
In an era where conversations around gender and sexuality are more visible than ever, the words we use will determine whether progress moves forward or stalls. Media, education, and even fandom spaces (yes, even your favorite K-pop groups’ fan communities) are learning the weight of words. And while it can feel overwhelming to keep up with the “right” terms, the truth is simple: listen to the people whose lives are most affected.
Because when we say language shapes reality, we mean it literally. Call someone by their right name, and you’re acknowledging their existence. Use a slur, and you’re participating in erasure. It’s a choice—and it’s yours to make.
Final Thoughts
Words are never “just words.” They’re bricks in the houses we live in, maps to the societies we build, and sometimes, weapons or shields. For the trans community, words can be life-affirming or life-threatening. If you want a more inclusive world, start with the sentences that come out of your own mouth.
If you’re looking for resources on trans-affirming language, GLAAD’s Media Reference Guide is a great place to start.
Because at the end of the day, the words you choose aren’t just vocabulary—they’re values.